Rabu, Januari 11, 2012

Romeo and Juliet

   It all started when our antagonizing protagonist, Romeo, woke up in a fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling very stunned, Romeo punched a ninja star, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, he realized that his beloved dragon heart was missing!  Immediately he called his parole officer, Juliet. Romeo had known Juliet for (plus or minus) 20 years, the majority of which were exotic ones.  Juliet was unique. She was easygoing though sometimes a little... abrasive. Romeo called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

   Juliet picked up to a very unctuous Romeo. Juliet calmly assured him that most albino cats grimace before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually earnestly cringe *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Romeo.  Why was Juliet trying to distract Romeo?  Because she had snuck out from Romeo's with the dragon heart only eight days prior.  It was a eccentric little dragon heart... how could she resist?

   It didn't take long before Romeo got back to the subject at hand: his dragon heart. Juliet sneezed. Relunctantly, Juliet invited him over, assuring him they'd find the dragon heart. Romeo grabbed his refrigerator and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Juliet realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the dragon heart and she had to do it skillfully. She figured that if Romeo took the homemade car, she had take at least three minutes before Romeo would get there.  But if he took the Pony?  Then Juliet would be alarmingly screwed.

   Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Juliet was interrupted by seven abrasive cockroach s that were lured by her dragon heart. Juliet turned red; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling worried, she aptly reached for her dull pencil and skillfully attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the secret vineyard, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief.  That's when she heard the Pony rolling up.  It was Romeo.

----o0o----

   As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Egg Roll King to pick up a 12-pack of gerbils, so he knew he was running late.  With a skillful leap, Romeo was out of the Pony and went explosively jaunting toward Juliet's front door.  Meanwhile inside,  Juliet was panicking.  Not thinking, she tossed the dragon heart into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her canoe. Juliet was displeased but at least the dragon heart was concealed.  The doorbell rang.

   'Come in,' Juliet wildly purred.  With a apt push, Romeo opened the door.  'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted genocidal maniac in a time machine,' he lied.  'It's fine,' Juliet assured him. Romeo took a seat frighteningly close to where Juliet had hidden the dragon heart. Juliet sighed trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness.  'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted.  But Romeo was distracted. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, Juliet noticed a oafish look on Romeo's face. Romeo slowly opened his mouth to speak.

   '...What's that smell?'

   Juliet felt a stabbing pain in her scalp when Romeo asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the dragon heart right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what?  I don't smell anything..!'  A lie.  A oafish look started to form on Romeo's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's carrots from when she used to have pet albino cats.  She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Romeo nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Juliet could react, Romeo thoughtfully lunged toward the box and opened it.  The dragon heart was plainly in view.

   Romeo stared at Juliet for what what must've been seven seconds. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, Juliet groped explosively in Romeo's direction, clearly desperate. Romeo grabbed the dragon heart and bolted for the door.  It was locked. Juliet let out a striking chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Romeo,' she rebuked. Juliet always had been a little insensitive, so Romeo knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Juliet did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he gripped his dragon heart tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

   Juliet looked on, blankly. 'What the hell?  That seemed excessive.  The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Romeo. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame six days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Romeo. 'Oh.  You ..okay?' Still silence. Juliet walked over to the window and looked down. Romeo was gone.

----o0o----

   Just yonder, Romeo was struggling to make his way through the disease-infested jungle behind Juliet's place. Romeo had severely hurt his taint during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength.  Another pack of feral cockroach s suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the dragon heart.  One by one they latched on to Romeo.  Already weakened from his injury, Romeo yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockroach s running off with his dragon heart.

   About eight hours later, Romeo awoke, his fingernail throbbing.  It was dark and Romeo did not know where he was.  Deep in the broad disease-infested jungle, Romeo was barely lost. Ever so extemperaneously, he remembered that his dragon heart was taken by the cockroach s. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life.  That's when, to his horror, a little cockroach  emerged from the swamp.  It was the alpha cockroach . Romeo opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockroach  sunk its teeth into Romeo's ear. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Romeo's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

   Less than ten miles away, Juliet was entombed by anguish over the loss of the dragon heart.  'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened ninja star.  With a quick thrust, she buried it deeply into her love handle.  As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Romeo... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him.  But she would die alone that day.  All that remained was the dragon heart that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise.  And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockroach s, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come.  Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead.  So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(











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Jika anda baca cerita ini sampai habis dan kebingungan, jangan khawatir, saya juga bingung. Jika anda tidak bingung malah merasa tercerahkan, saya turut berbahagia. Mau mencoba membuat cerita yang membingungkan dengan cepat dan mungkin saja membahagiakan anda? gunakan ini.


nb: saya tidak mau bertanggungjawab atas typo yang terjadi pada cerita di atas